HOW TO EXTEND GRACE TO YOURSELF AS YOU DO OTHERS.

How can you learn to extend grace to yourself? Is it even possible to do that? For some reason, you and I have become our biggest critics and while sometimes it might not be a bad thing, we overdo it. For some reason, it is easier to extend mercy and grace to others, but when it comes to us, we don’t. Why is that?

• Could it be that you are going off on someone’s voice who placed such high standards on you and because of their impossible standards and your inability to measure up, you allow the voice to rule you?
• Are your decisions centered around that voice be it consciously or subconscious?
• Does it seem like no matter how much you try to be good, you keep falling short? Are you striving for perfection?
• Do you beat yourself up when you mess up? These are some ways we criticize ourselves. By allowing that voice to loom over us, we never break free from it. And this can lead to endless cycles of defeat, condemnation, and frustration.

Do you struggle with extending grace to yourself? Are you tired of listening to that critic within? Today, I have a word of encouragement for you. You don’t have to always live like that. God wants to set you free from that critical voice that always tells you that you are not good enough. Be free from that voice that shows you your shortcomings. So let’s get right to it.

How then can you extend grace to yourself?

Before you can extend grace to yourself, it is important to understand where that critical voice came from. There is always a root for something. And for you to take these voices captive, you need to know its source. So the first step is awareness.

Acknowledgment and awareness

Can you recall when that voice became louder than the positive one? Maybe someone said something to you that you now believe. Or maybe because of one mistake, people have labeled you as that mistake and you can’t seem to get over it. And because of that you find yourself always criticizing yourself. Have you allowed other people’s labels to define you? Is this why the inner critic has gained so much power that it is the only voice you hear?

If you can’t seem to figure out where it all started, I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit. He will reveal to you where it all started. And it is when you find the root cause that you will treat the problem.

Let me encourage you to set time aside to hear from the Holy Spirit. Be expectant that He will speak to you and reveal to you what gave voice to the inner critic. Have a journal and a pen ready to write what He tells you. Also, ensure that you rid yourself of any distractions and noise. Be open and flexible.

Forgive them

First off, for you to break free from that voice that constantly criticizes you, you need to realize that they are human beings and that they too make mistakes, and thus their view of you can be wrong. Second, realize that they are hurting and overly critical of themselves and that is why they do so to you. Because you can only talk to others the way you talk to yourself. So if you always criticize others, it’s because you do the same thing to yourself. The person doing that is dealing with an identity issue and they have not figured out who they are. Once you realize this, it will be easy for you to go to the next steps of breaking off that voice over your life.

There is no need of holding a grudge against them. After all, unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting that poison to kill the other person. It is only hurting you. In order to forgive them, ask God to help you understand why they said those hurtful things to you. You will realize that these people are hurting, too. Hurt people hurt people. They criticize you because they too criticize themselves.

Forgive yourself.

For the times you have messed up, for the times you have talked badly to yourself. Anytime you found yourself saying bad things about yourself, you need to forgive yourself. The only way you can receive forgiveness is by first forgiving yourself. Have you forgiven yourself? Maybe you are wondering how you can do that. Well, the first thing you need to realize is that you are not perfect and you will never be. So that will not be the last time you mess up and it’s okay. The problem arises when we fail to choose to better ourselves. But as long as there is progress, then there is hope. So make room for grace for the next time you mess up. And do not allow guilt and condemnation to keep you bound.

The worst part about condemnation is that it keeps you stuck. This is because it will cause you to create scenarios in your head of how you could have handled the situation or how you could have avoided the said sin. Unfortunately, it is already done and it is up to you to decide whether you will keep rehearsing the moment in your mind or choose to forgive yourself and realize that you are human. Until you get to heaven, you need to realize that you will always fall short. Romans tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. It is inevitable that you will let yourself down in one way or another. Don’t stay stuck there. Give yourself the same grace you extend to others when they let you down. Forgiving yourself frees you from guilt and shame.

God is not expecting perfection from you. He knows you will mess up from time to time. Don’t hold on to shame and guilt. Let go of condemnation and believe that when God said He has forgiven you, He meant it.

Receive God’s forgiveness.

God says that when you repent, He is faithful and just to forgive. The book of Psalms even says that after repentance, the Blood washes away your sins. Through the Blood of Jesus, God has forgiven your sins, and He even says that He remembers them no more. It’s funny though that although we know that, it can be hard, to receive it sometimes. Why though? Is it because we have been conditioned to think that we have to be punished first? Some of us had the wrong perception of God and maybe you still do. You might think that God is waiting to punish you when you mess up which is actually not true. Don’t get me wrong, there are consequences for our actions. But we should not forget the fact that God says where sin increased, His grace abounded even more.

God is full of mercy. How many times did He take the Israelites back after they rebelled? What about the times He rescued them from ditches they got themselves in? His mercies are new every morning. And He wants you to know that His forgiveness trumps your sin. His grace is unlimited to you. Receiving His forgiveness is simply believing that when He says He has forgiven you, He means it. It is time to take God at His word. His word is accurate, and He is not a man that He should lie. God is Compassionate and all He wants you to do is receive His unmerited Favor and Mercy free.

Move forward.

You might ask, how do you do that? You need to recognize that the only way you can be empowered to live a holy life is through the power of the Holy Spirit because you cannot do it on your own. Second, God says that although the righteous fall 6 times they rise 7 times. So dust yourself up and try again. You might fail at it 10 times, but what you don’t realize is that you learn with every mistake and you become wiser and sometimes it is through those mistakes that you learn and become your best version. Because of the mistakes and sins committed by King Solomon, he could come up with insights that we now quote from the book of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.

Your struggles right now will help someone else get over theirs when they hear your story, so don’t lose hope. And also realize that God sees the best you that you will become, so He is definitely rooting for you. When Peter denied Jesus and Jesus redeemed him in John 21, Jesus told him how glorious his future was. He was essentially encouraging Peter to keep pushing and not allow past sins to hinder him from his future and purpose. Let the same statement encourage you. Do not allow your past sins to hinder you from your glorious future.

Scriptures that will help you learn to extend grace to yourself.

 2 Timothy 1:9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done, but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,

2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Romans 3:20-24  Therefore, no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law, we become conscious of our sin. 21 But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works so that no one can boast.

Romans 6:14 For sin shall no longer be your master because you are not under the law but under grace

Romans 5:20-21  The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, ²¹ so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Hebrews 4:14-16  Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Proverbs 24:16 for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.

Conclusion

You are human and thus are a flawed and imperfect being. But just because you are flawed, it doesn’t mean God can’t use you. Stop disqualifying yourself when your Creator hasn’t. And let the fact that God chose you, knowing very well all the mistakes and sins you will ever do. He did not count you out because He knows that in the end, all those mistakes will work out for your good to bring Him glory. He is the One who Restores and, just like He had the plan to restore Nanking through His Son, He has a redemption plan for you.

So do not get discouraged when you fall short. Give yourself grace and recognize that God already gave you His grace and it is unlimited. And last, He loves you so so much. He does not want you to stay stuck in shame, but He is calling you to come to Him so that He can give you a clean slate. This is what He is telling you, try again. It is time for you to extend grace to yourself.