HOW TO OVERCOME THE SHAME AND GUILT OF YOUR PAST

 Do you find yourself embarrassed of your past? Was your past so bad that you cringe when you think of it? Do you wish you could erase some parts of your past because they keep bothering you? Maybe you have memories where you cringe at the thought of how you used to be. Maybe people around you still hold on to your former version and this has caused you to experience shame and condemn yourself. Or maybe you are the one who does not seem to want to let go of the past. If you relate to any of these scenarios, then this word is for you. Today I want to help you overcome the shame and guilt of your past.

Before we can go any further it is important that we define shame, guilt, and condemnation.

Shame: Oxford dictionary defines shame as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Dictionary.com defines shame as the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another:

Guilt: According to Dictionary.com guilt is a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. Oxford dictionary, on the other hand, defines guilt as a feeling of having committed a wrong or failed in an obligation.

Condemnation: to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation. The other definition is to declare guilty. Condemnation in Biblical terms is Condemnation can refer either to the legal status of liability to punishment or to the actual infliction of that punishment. At times the word is also used in a broader context to refer to negative evaluations of a person by peers or by one’s own conscience. 

Shame is a consequence of sin. Feelings of guilt and shame are subjective acknowledgments of objective spiritual reality. Guilt is judicial in character; shame is relational. Though related to guilt, shame emphasizes sin’s effect on self-identity. So when shame and guilt become apparent in your life, the next thing that happens is you start condemning yourself. Now we need to realize that God does not condemn, He convicts. Let us look at the difference between the two.

conviction vs condemnation

One who is convicted is convinced of sin or error. In its simplest meaning, a conviction is something about which we are convinced. In most of the cases where convince is used in the Bible, it is similar to our use of the word convict. It usually deals with those who are convinced of sin.

Conviction is a product of the relationship with God. It is not something that suddenly inspires a person to stand up for God; rather, conviction is the product—the fruit—of a relationship. The relationship about which we are concerned is our relationship with God. Conviction, then, is not something that we have in a flash but a quality that builds through the experiences we have with God, in making Him the center of our lives.

Why are we convicted? Because we really come to know Him. Our perception of God’s nature, our discernment of right and wrong, our vision of His purpose—all of these elements feed into strengthening convictions that will prove what we are in the day of trial. We are concerned with the growth of these elements, and their growth depends upon our day-to-day faithfulness in the little things of life. John W Rittenberg

Therefore, from this explanation, we can conclude that condemnation is usually fueled by shame and guilt while conviction stems from the realization that what one has done is wrong before God and want to make things right. Conviction all around stems from a relationship with God alone. He is the One through the Holy Spirit that will convict you and cause you to repent. Conviction leads to repentance while condemnation leads to shame and the need to cower up. Where do you lie? Is it condemnation that is wearing you down or has God’s conviction led you to repentance?

Before we can look at the keys to help in overcoming, let us look at some of the consequences of shame and guilt. 

Low self-esteem 

Anytime guilt and shame are involved, low self-esteem creeps in. This is because shame and guilt cause you to view yourself as less than. You will find yourself feeling unworthy of any good thing. In fact, this can affect you so much so that the confidence you had before dissipate. Let me ask you this, have you ever turned seething down because you did not feel qualified despite the fact that you were selected for it? Maybe you have been self-sabotaging because you feel like your past disqualified you. Have you, like Moses allowed your past to define you?

Moses was filled with guilt and shame because of what he did to the Egyptians in Exodus 3. It was so bad that when God called him to deliver the Israelites, he flat out said no. God was calling him to do something that he knew he was called for because he had tried to do it before. But when it failed, he allowed his failures to get the best of him and define him. Imagine how low he had to have gone for him to become a shepherd considering he was raised in Pharaos palace.

Mind you at the time the role of a shepherd was not applauded. But Moses was okay with it because he had failed before, so he did not see the point of trying again. And now here was God asking him to go back to that role again. Anyway, back to the point, there are situations that can cause is to have low self-esteem and that’s not what God wants for your life. 

Forfeiting your purpose.

The problem with allowing shame and guilt to overpower you is that they will derail you from living out your purpose. Peter after denying Jesus went back to fishing because that’s what he thought he would be. He allowed the feelings of shame and guilt to cause him to refrain from doing what he knew God had called him to. Mind you, Jesus had already called him to be a fisher of men.

Peter was called to spread the Gospel, but because of his error in denying Jesus, he disqualified himself and even condemned himself. In fact, it took Jesus to redeem him for him to turn back. Have you disqualified yourself from what God called you to do because of something you did? Has the enemy been condemning you telling you that you are not worthy because of what you did? In what ways have you refrained from living life to the fullest because of your past? How have guilt and shame affected you from living out your purpose? Maybe you find yourself thinking that you cannot help someone else because you fell in sin in one way or another. Or maybe God asked you to speak to someone and correct them, but because you are guilty of the same sin, you find yourself feeling unworthy.

One thing that we should always remember is that the enemy will only attack the area of your calling. The devil will cause you to stumble in the area that God has called you so that he can hinder you from becoming who God has called you to be. Think about it, why would the enemy give you an easy time when he knows that you will set people free when you walk in your purpose? The devil came to steal, kill and destroy so anyway he can stop people from walking in the freedom he will. You will stumble on the way to your purpose, but when you fall, you should not stay there. Rather, you should rise up and walk because as a Christian you will fall because you are human.

Now that we know the 2 main consequences of shame and guilt, how then can we overcome them?

Confront those emotions

The most important thing about awareness is that it leads to confrontation. It is good that you are aware of the guilt and shame that is eating you up. Confronting your emotions is as easy as recognizing that you harbor them and deciding that you will do something about them. You could decide to journal what you are feeling so that you can put into words what you are feeling. Or you could just speak them out or confide in someone. Should you decide to confide in someone make sure you exercise wisdom. Ask the Holy Spirit for discernment so that you tell someone who is loyal and will not go around telling your business.

The cool thing about confronting your emotions is that you will bring it out to the light and in so doing, you take your power back from the enemy. Always remember that the enemy only has power to anything that is hidden, but once it comes to light he has no control over you. This is why confronting these emotions is this powerful. It gives you your control back. Also, you can only treat something that you are aware of. Because then you will have the specific symptoms and diagnosis therefore you will know the proper medication.

Find the root of the shame and guilt

In identifying the root of the problem, there are some questions that you can ask to help you really deal with the situation. Jesus came to set you free. But for you to experience this freedom, it is important to know what you want to be delivered from. Bartimeaus knew he wanted to see. He was very clear about that and so should you. Ask yourself these questions

1. Why do I feel guilty and condemned?
2. What happened that evoked these feelings?
3. Did I repent?
4. Did I know that what I did was wrong at the time was doing it?

These are some of the questions that will help you address the shame and guilt. When you focus on the root of the problem you experience healing on a whole new level. Obviously, shame and guilt do not come on their own, there has to be something that triggered them. That is why it is important to know what caused the shame and guilt. What action led to them? Be honest with yourself. If you do not know what it is, ask the Holy Spirit for help. He wants to help you because He wants to see you healed and made whole.

The process will be very uncomfortable because it will require you to relive the experience again, but this time from the realization that what you did was wrong. The shame and guilt will scream at you to stop, but keep going because it is when you do that that the healing begins.

Lay it at the feet of Jesus

Jesus wants you to cast all your cares and burdens to Him because He cares for you. Did you know that Jesus paid the price for you so that you can be made free and whole? Are you aware that Jesus wants you to live in freedom and He wants you to let go of all the worries and cares that are weighing you down? The truth of the matter is that because you are a human being you will mess up from time to time. But just because you mess up does not mean that Jesus has disqualified you. He still wants to use you and not only that His grace is available for you because He knows that you will mess up.

Now, this should not be your reason to stay in sin, but this should set you free from guilt because it is where sin increased that God’s grace abounded even more. Laying it at the feet of Jesus is as simple as repenting and telling Him that you want Him to be the One to carry it because it is wearing you down. He will not ostracize you or make you feel guilty. No, He will graciously help dust you up so that you can in turn help others.

By the way, you need to always remember that because you overcame a specific sin, your testimony will bring others to Jesus and set them free too. That is why the scripture in Romans 8:28 is especially encouraging. God says that everything will work out for your good because you love Him. Your past will set others free and that is something good that will come out of a bad situation.

Repent and forgive yourself

Oftentimes it is easier to extend grace to others than it is to extend to ourselves. And that is wrong. Falling is part of life and it is vital for you to recognize that. Being saved does not exempt you from sinning. That is why the grace of God is available for you too. God’s grace is available for you even when despite knowing the truth you still go the other way. Obviously, God does not want you to be rebellious, but I want you to know that as well. It is the love of God that draws you back to Him and He does so in love, not through shame and condemnation.

Extend grace to yourself because it is when you do so that you will be effective for God. When you allow guilt and shame to wear you down you will not be able to help others as well and that is why God has redeemed you. Let me ask you this if God who is your Creator has forgiven you, who are you not to forgive yourself? Ask God for forgiveness and keep it pushing. He is faithful and just to forgive you when you repent.

Guard your heart and mind

The truth of the matter is that even after you do all these things, the enemy will try to get you back to what Jesus has delivered you from. The key however is to resist him through the decreeing of scripture and reminding him that you have been set free through the blood of Jesus Christ. Remind the devil that there is now no condemnation for you because you love Jesus and you are a child of God. Do that every time the enemy tries to bring up the situation and when you hold on to the truth he will leave you. Victory can be instant or gradual, either way, stand on the truth until he runs away from you completely.

Scriptures that will help you overcome shame and guilt

Romans 8:1-2 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.

Psalm 103:8-12 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. ⁹ He will not always accuse,  nor will he harbor his anger forever; ¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. ¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; ¹² as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. ¹³ As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

Ephesians 1:3-7 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ⁴ For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love ⁵ he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will ⁶ to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ⁷ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace ⁸ that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,

John 3:16-17 ¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

2 Corinthians 5:17¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Conclusion

Shame guilt and condemnation are not of God. God never wants to make you feel bad in such a way that you become paralyzed and afraid of stepping into your calling. God convicts from a place of love. It is through the love of God that you are transformed.

God sent His Son to die for you. And it is through the crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Jesus that you have been redeemed. There are many times that the enemy will try to get you to focus on your past mistakes and wear you down with guilt and condemnation. When this happens, I want to encourage you to allow Jesus to speak freedom into you. He already paid the price and on top of that made His grace available for you too. Use the Bible which is the Truth to help you overcome shame and guilt.

This Easter I want to encourage you to reflect and look at all the areas where you have allowed shame and guilt to take a hold of you. And allow the freedom that comes from Christ to set you free. There is no need for you to keep carrying the weight of your past, Jesus has redeemed you. It is time for you to be an overcomer. Overcome the shame and guilt of your past today.