HOW TO OVERCOME REJECTION THE RIGHT WAY.
Estimated reading time: 12 minutes
Have you been experiencing rejection? Have people rejected you? Maybe you have experienced rejection in a particular field or even in relationships. Whatever the case may be, rejection is never pretty. And the truth is that we have all experienced some form of rejection. And that is why I figured that we should talk about how to overcome rejection. But before we do why don’t we dive a little deeper on what rejection is so that we can better understand it.
- Rejection.
- The 5 stages of rejection.
- How to overcome rejection
- Scriptures on overcoming rejection.
- What does God say about rejection?
- Conclusion.
Rejection.
This is the act of not believing someone or something. It simply is the opposite of being accepted. Rejection does not mean that there is something wrong with you (although it could mean that your approach to something could be wrong). Often it just means that the path you are on might not be the right one for you. No wonder we have heard people say that rejection is God’s redirection. Understanding rejection is key because it will help us have a healthy relationship with it. After all, we do know that God always has good intentions for our lives and when He allows rejection, it is His way of rerouting us to get us to the glorious future He has for us.
What are examples of rejection?
- A company you wanted to work for saying no to you.
- Not being accepted in an institution of your choice.
- Not getting the visa you so desired.
- Having someone end a relationship with you.
- Pursuing someone who is not into you.
- Sometimes failure could feel like rejection too.
- Being ignored.
- Someone else being picked over you.
An interesting fact about rejection you should know.
Our brains are wired to respond that way. When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
IDEAS.TED
The 5 stages of rejection.
To help us understand how to overcome rejection, we need to understand the 5 stages of rejection. And these are:
Denial.
This could look like you trying to convince yourself that they just don’t know how to make the right choices because as far as you are concerned what you gave was there best there is. As human beings, we are biased toward ourselves. We always think that we are better than the next person. And because of that it will not make sense initially when we experience rejection. This outlook, however, stems from childhood trauma. If growing up you experienced conditional love or some form of separation- permanent or temporary, you will find yourself more susceptible to rejection and therefore denial will be a part of the grieving process.
An emotionally healthy human being, will not get offended and deeply affected by rejection. Yes, it will sting, but they will bounce back pretty quickly. This, however, is not the case with someone who experienced childhood trauma. They will internalize it and that is why instead of looking at where they could have gone wrong, they will first respond by looking at the situation as the other person’s fault. They might even start trying to prove themselves. This could look like taking another course if you got rejected in a particular field to outdo the competition.
Upskilling is never a bad thing. However, it is important to evaluate your why. Why do you want to take another course? Is it driven by revenge or trying to prove yourself? Asking yourselves these questions after rejection will help you understand your relationship with rejection.
Anger
This could look like holding a grudge against the person, or organization that has rejected you. It could also look like you avoiding that career altogether in the name of it is not for you. Let me ask you this, why are you pivoting into another career, is it because of unresolved anger? The problem with anger is that although it can fuel you into success, the foundation will be rocky. And once the dust settles, you might realize that you don’t even like the path you are on. Acting on anger will lead you down the path of destruction. Have you found yourself making statements as I will never apply for that job again? Could it be that you are on the second stage of rejection?
Bargaining.
This is where you try to do something to coerce or change the mind of the person who rejected you. In the case of an organization: you could try resubmitting your documents again for the same role in the hope they will accept you. Now don’t confuse this with submitting the documents once you have improved on them. This is different. If you have amended and corrected what got you rejected in the first place, then by all means you can apply. What I mean is you trying to use the same document and thinking that the organization will change their minds.
In the case of a relationship: you could try to guilt-trip the person into taking you back or even trying to manipulate them or whatever the case may be. This by all means is wrong.
Depression.
At this stage, you will doubt everything. You might even start saying that everything about you is wrong and off, and that is why you got rejected. Of course, this can be a tad much. But the reality is that at this stage, you will feel like it is the end of the world. Which, by the way, it is not. You might even struggle with other insecurities. At this stage, you will have all these inner voices mocking you and laughing at you. The inner critic will come alive and try to tell you I told you so. You will feel like you were in over your head and even question why you stepped out in faith, to begin with.
Acceptance
This is where you finally come to terms with the rejection and move on. It could look like you accepting that everyone is entitled to their opinion and making a conscious decision to change if there was any feedback given. It could also look like you realizing that probably that was not where God wanted you. Or it could even look like trying to see things from their point of view and not holding a grudge against them.
Acceptance is very powerful because not only does it free you from other negative emotions like envy, jealousy, bitterness, and unforgiveness. It also allows you to prepare and make room for what God has for you.
Bouncing back quickly is what will help you learn to have a healthy relationship with rejection. After all it is a way of life and inevitable. You will not be liked by everyone. And your best might not be good enough for someone else. This obviously does not mean that we should not grow and advance. What it simply means is that you should not allow yourself to stay stuck because you experienced rejection. Bounce back and try again or ask God to show you what He is doing and what He whether you are on the right track.
How to overcome rejection
Acknowledging is vital in overcoming rejection.
It is important that you acknowledge that you got rejected. Pretending it did not happen will only prolong the 5 stages and the sooner you accept it the sooner you will get to the acceptance stage which is where you should aim to be. When you acknowledge something, you deny it the power to torment you. Remember that inner critic? It will torment you until you acknowledge that rejection happened. Be honest with yourself about the emotions you are experiencing. And allow yourself to feel them. Obviously, the process is uncomfortable but well worth it.
Be optimistic
Being positive will help you not feel like you are not good enough and that is why you got rejected. Being optimistic will look like you listing all the great qualities that make you you. You see, when you focus on the great qualities you silence the inner critic by reminding that voice that although there were some not-so-great things about you that could have led to the rejection, there are great qualities too. Also, this eliminates other feelings like bitterness and jealousy, which in turn prepares you for what God really has for you.
Heal the inner child.
Childhood trauma can lead you to overanalyze and misinterpret rejection. You see, just because we grow up, we don’t automatically heal from childhood trauma until we address it. Healing the inner child could mean you going to therapy. We can only heal what we address. And if you suffered trauma that fueled the feelings of rejection as a child causing you to get more affected by rejection than the average person, then it is time to seek professional help. Counseling services like BetterHelp will help you develop a healthy relationship with rejection. And this will in turn help you overcome rejection.
Have zero tolerance for self-criticism
You should not give room to the inner critic to torment you. Silence the voice by congratulating yourself on putting yourself out there. It took courage. And just because people rejected you this time does not mean that will always be the case. The reality is that God created you as a solution to the world and sooner or later the path God has for you will open up and you will understand why it never worked before.
God would never allow you to experience pain unless it served a purpose. And again, you are a work in progress and the only way you will learn to do the work and what to improve on is when you don’t get rejected. I am sure you have seen examples of people who reinvented themselves after rejection and breakup. Now let me ask you this; had they not gone through it, would they have bettered themselves? Might that be what God is doing in your life? Putting yourself out there is always a good thing and do not allow anyone or the inner critic to tell you otherwise. That is how we learn and grow.
Use rejection to your advantage.
We are all a work in progress. So evaluate the changes you need to make and work on becoming your best self. Of course, the first step is to deepen your relationship and intimacy with God. He is the One who knows you really well and only He can tell you who you are and how you can best work on yourself to become your best self. Focus on living authentically and intentionally. This will help you also understand spaces that are for you and those that are not for you. Remember embracing your uniqueness is the key that will help you learn to cope with rejection effectively. And you can do this by embracing solitude.
Scriptures on overcoming rejection.
Isaiah 49:15
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
John 15:18
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
Psalm 118:6
“The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
Hebrews 4:15
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.”
Romans 11:2
“God did not reject His people, whom He foreknew. Do you not know what the Scripture says about Elijah, how he appealed to God against Israel.”
Psalm 34:17
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.”
Psalm 94:14
“For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage.”
Psalm 27:10
“For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.”
Jeremiah 30:17
“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: ‘It is Zion, for whom no one cares!”
Psalm 34:18
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
What does God say about rejection?
What God says about rejection is that although people reject you, God will never forget you. He’s got you in the palm of His hand. He knows you by name and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Even when others reject you, God wants you to know that you are His, the apple of His eye, and His most beloved possession. That is why He sent Jesus on the cross to die for you so that you could experience acceptance and His unconditional love. Do not allow rejection to prevent you from accepting and receiving His love. Run to Him today. He loves you and has fully accepted you. Allow Him to reveal to you who He says you are and who He always envisioned you to be.
Conclusion.
You can overcome rejection. Jesus used rejection to stay close to God. Joseph used rejection as a launching pad for his God-ordained purpose. David used rejection to grow close to God. I want to encourage you to use rejection as a launching pad to becoming the person God created you to be.
Do not allow the enemy to use rejection to establish strongholds of bitterness, envy, competition, and grudges. Rather, allow God to use rejection to redirect you to the path He always envisioned for you before the beginning of time. He has a plan for you in the rejection. Will you allow Him to establish it?
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Radiantly Resurging
Mercy is the author and founder of radiantly resurging. She is a Christian and having gone through the wilderness season, she decided to impart the knowledge learned to help others navigate their wilderness season too
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